{"id":582,"date":"2019-04-09T02:22:29","date_gmt":"2019-04-09T06:22:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/vets2industry.org\/new\/?p=582"},"modified":"2025-03-28T19:42:01","modified_gmt":"2025-03-28T23:42:01","slug":"survivors-guilt-in-the-military-and-after","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vets2industry.org\/new\/survivors-guilt-in-the-military-and-after\/","title":{"rendered":"Survivor’s Guilt in the Military and After"},"content":{"rendered":"

Survivor’s Guilt in the Military and Veteran Community<\/h2>\n

How to recognize it and what to do about it.<\/h3>\n

Reposted with permission by the author, Meaghan Mobbs<\/a>. Originally posted on PsychologyToday<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe problem is when you live, you have to carry the dead with you everywhere.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWhy him and not me? He had a family, I had no one waiting.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI should have done more. No. I could have done more. You should have seen the look on his face, he was so scared. It was my\u00a0job\u00a0to save him. I don\u2019t deserve to be here.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t get it. It\u2019s. My. Fault.\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In the aftermath of\u00a0trauma, survivor\u2019s often find themselves questioning the reasons they were spared or doubting their actions before, during, and after the loss.<\/p>\n

Survivor\u2019s\u00a0guilt, the burden of living after other\u2019s have died, generates intense feelings, thoughts, and doubts about worthiness and responsibility.\u00a0 It\u2019s a noxious, insidious mix of relief and appreciation for surviving and guilt and\u00a0shame\u00a0that others did not.<\/p>\n

The \u2018why\u2019 becomes a low, steady thrum in the brain. Why me? Why did this happen? Why not me? Why her? Why him? Why didn\u2019t I do more? Why? Why? Why\u2026<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In asking \u2018why,\u2019 we desperately seek answers, only to find we have more questions.\u00a0 Oftentimes, this can unknowingly trap survivor\u2019s in endless, counterfactual loops of reasoning, inadvertently perpetuating feelings of worthlessness, disconnectedness, failure, and longing.\u00a0 This leads to a distorted, inaccurate assessment of responsibility.<\/p>\n

Surprisingly, this inflated sense of responsibility might actually be protective.\u00a0 In taking on the ownership and burden of the event, we manufacture a sense of control over the situation.\u00a0 The guilt then protects us from feeling overwhelmingly helpless or powerless in the face of a seemingly random world.<\/p>\n

As such, in the aftermath of trauma, the survivor\u2019s guilt is common and normal. Taken alone, it is not a sign of unhealthy grief or\u00a0PTSD.\u00a0 However, it should resolve over time.\u00a0 When it becomes so overwhelming, debilitating, obsessive, or intrusive that functioning is impaired, help is essential.<\/p>\n

For military members and veterans, survivor\u2019s guilt can arise from specific experiences in combat, training accidents, or experiences back home.\u00a0 Regardless of the source, the result is the same if the negative thoughts go unbound or unchecked.\u00a0 Moreover, it can be farther complicated by the nature of the military experience and martial culture.<\/p>\n

Given the opportunity, many veterans would return to their old units and battlefields. Their survivor\u2019s guilt can hinge on themes of longing, nostalgia, feelings they betrayed the bonds of brother or sisterhood, and desire for retribution. For some, combat was the most exhilarating time of their life and the thing that most haunts them.\u00a0 It\u2019s a love-hate relationship as old as time. The conflict between the two can cause immense distress, interpersonal isolation, and shame.\u00a0\u00a0Living to die or dying to live is a thin line many walk on a daily basis.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

So then, what can you do if you\u2019re experiencing survivor\u2019s guilt?<\/p>\n

1. You are not alone.\u00a0 Survivor\u2019s guilt is common.\u00a0 Find a support group or other space to connect with others who have experienced something similar.\u00a0 The sharing of feelings and finding common ground breaks isolation.<\/p>\n

2. Challenge your own thoughts around responsibility. Mourn the\u00a0loss of those lost but don\u2019t take on the full burden of its occurrence. You alone are not answerable to all that happened or did not happen.<\/p>\n

3. Allow yourself to grieve fully and deeply.\u00a0 Focusing on guilt can be an\u00a0unconscious\u00a0way to avoid sadness. When we avoid the truth, underlying emotion, things get worse over time.\u00a0 It keeps us stuck and\u00a0prevents us from accepting what happened, healing, and moving forward in our lives.<\/p>\n

4. Remind yourself that relief and appreciation for your own survival can coexist with your grief for those who died. Celebrating your own life does not\u00a0diminish your grief for those who did not survive.<\/p>\n

5. Do something meaningful for someone else or with your grief. \u00a0Volunteer for TAPS and become a mentor for someone else who\u2019s lost someone, educate others through a partnership with organizations like the Travis Manion Foundation, or get involved with your community helping those around you like those at the Mission Continues.<\/p>\n

6. Seek help. If guilt is significantly impacting your ability to find joy in life or purpose and meaning, it\u2019s time to get help.\u00a0 Look for counselors in your area that have experience in trauma. Or check out organizations like the Wounded Warrior Project, HeadStrong, Boulder Crest, or Warriors Heart.<\/p>\n

Remember:<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re a Veteran in crisis or concerned about one, there is help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Call 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1<\/p>\n

The Veterans Crisis Line is a free, anonymous, confidential resource that\u2019s available to anyone, even if you\u2019re not registered with VA or enrolled in VA\u00a0health\u00a0care.<\/p>\n

What to Expect:\u00a0A trained responder will answer your call. The responder will ask you\u00a0a few questions, such as whether you or the Veteran or Service member you\u2019re concerned about may be in immediate danger or at risk for\u00a0suicide. You will decide what to share about yourself and what you want to talk about.<\/p>\n

The Veterans Crisis Line is also available by text: Text 838255<\/p>\n

Support for deaf and hard of hearing: 1-800-799-4889<\/p>\n

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About the Author<\/h3>\n<\/div>\n
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\"\"Meaghan Mobbs<\/strong> is a West Point graduate, OEF Veteran, and former Army Captain who is currently an advanced Clinical Psychology doctoral student at Columbia University, Teachers College.<\/span> Follow Meaghan on <\/span>Twitter<\/a> and LinkedIn<\/a> today!<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Survivor’s Guilt in the Military and Veteran Community How to recognize it and what to do about it. Reposted with permission by the author, Meaghan Mobbs. Originally posted on PsychologyToday. \u201cThe problem is when you live, you have to carry the dead with you everywhere.\u201d \u201cWhy him and not me? He had a family, I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":583,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"give_campaign_id":0,"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[5,124],"tags":[228,230,179,227,224,226,231,229,225,147],"class_list":["post-582","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-education","category-veteran","tag-awareness","tag-challenge","tag-education","tag-mental-health","tag-psychology","tag-resiliency","tag-survivor","tag-survivors-guilt","tag-trauma","tag-veterans"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/vets2industry.org\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/582","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/vets2industry.org\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/vets2industry.org\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vets2industry.org\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vets2industry.org\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=582"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/vets2industry.org\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/582\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vets2industry.org\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/583"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/vets2industry.org\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=582"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vets2industry.org\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=582"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vets2industry.org\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=582"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}